BABY IS HERE
6.10.18
I was almost 3 days late and very nervous to take a pregnancy test. I had taken many before this month with negatives every time. It's painful to keep checking after so many "Not Pregnant" words on a stick. I took a test on 6/8 just 2 days before this day, with a negative. So my hopes were low. I was in complete overwhelming shock seeing "Pregnant" shining in front of my own eyes! Cain was at Annual Training at this time and we would not be together for another week. So I made the quick decision to jump in our Jeep and start driving to him! I'm not allowed to just show up to his training, this was bold of me to just go to see, it probably wasn't okay to do but all I could think was "I can't know Baby is here without Cain, he has to know!"
It was a 2 hour drive and when I was about 1 hour out from him, Cain calls asking what I was doing. "I'm coming to you!" "What? Really?" he replied.
I explained to him that I was 2-3 days late and I wanted to take a pregnancy test with him (of course I already had at this point!) he understood though and was just as excited to find out. He was able to sneak away when I got there and he jumped into the Jeep with me. With 1 unopened pregnancy test laying in the middle as a way of making sure he didn't know what I was up too, I set up the camera and said "I will go inside the USO and pee on this and be back...... but there really is no reason too, Baby is already here... I"m Pregnant!"
6.11.18
We have the best midwives taking care of us and baby. Right after I shared with Cain the news we texted them and right away they sent in lap work to get my blood drawn the following day and ordered me Progesterone suppositories that I would need to take vaginally nightly until we knew my levels were safe. I love that they didn't waste any time! I was 4 weeks 2 days at this time.
6.14.18
I was traveling to Utah in the middle of the 48 blood draw protocol. It needed to be redrawn after 48 hours which meant I would be in Utah at that time. I took a break from Young Living's convention to visit a Lapcorp to finish the test. I was so emotional this whole time. So nervous and dealing with a lot of fears that were from losing our first baby, Roman.
We got the news the next day that my levels were way too low and that when I got home I would need to start injections of Progesterone. At the time I was very disappointed, discouraged and afraid. I felt like my body wasn't going to work. The heavy knowledge of knowing how fast losing a baby can stay with me.
Since losing Roman I found out I have what is called MTHFR and PAI 4/g 5/g. What this means is my blood clots and without a low dose of aspirin my blood would stop going to baby and would cause another miscarriage. So with this and low Progesterone, anxiety was high.
Sidenote: For those who have lost a baby can easily relate to this. To hear "don't worry" or "don't stress over it" is literally a laughing joke to me. I do believe God has control, I lean so much on my faith that God will answer our prayers for a healthy baby. You just have to realize that it's not an easy fix to just "not worry", we have been through death before, it's very real to us and something we will never forget.
6.19.18
I had my first Progesterone shot in the bottom. We went into the office for them to show/explain what Cain would need to do for me twice a week until further notice when my levels rise high enough.
It was extremely painful for weeks to follow with each injection. After every shot I would become so sore on my bottom I couldn't sit, just the littlest touch would leave me almost in tears. I don't say this too complain, I am explaining this so others can know what it's like so when someone you know has to go through it you can understand just a little what they must be going through. I kept positive although it was painful to take, I knew it was helping baby so much.
7.3.18
THE HEARTBEAT
Our first ultrasound. I didn't eat beforehand because I knew I would throw it up (not morning sickness) I was battling the worst flashbacks of my life. Going to the same place as last time, afraid to be in the same room as before and wondering if I would hear the familiar words of Roman's ultrasound. I was in tears before my name was even called. Thankfully I was lead through a different door than before and a new room. Alison the ultrasound tech knew right away something was amiss. We explained our story (Cain did actually, as I was crying and couldn't talk much)
I requested to start with a vaginal ultrasound. Normally they start with the abdominal ultrasound first and if the heartbeat is to faint they then go vaginally. This would have been repeating Roman's ultrasound. I couldn't and wouldn't go through that again. I was 7 weeks at that time so I knew there was a chance the heartbeat would be faint if there was one. Alison was so kind and not to question me. I explained then that I needed to know right away what she saw, the wait was too much last time... it was so painful sitting there lost.
Within seconds she said "Do you want to hear the heartbeat!?" in an uplighting sweet voice. This was so new to me. I didn't know what those words would sound like. I daydreamed of this moment for months but never could hear the words said out loud. I had to stop crying so she could get a clear view without me moving around from heavy sobs. Cain recorded the ultrasound and heartbeat and in tears, I said "I don't believe it's true"
Walking out from this day was bittersweet. There was a newness in the air and joy that was welcoming to our tired hearts but there also was the reminder of our grief. What a journey this has been thus far. Climbing a mountain daily to reach each new milestone.
More to come ...
