You may look at this photo and see just an average couple excited to announce their baby's arrival (excited we are!) But what you don't see behind a photo is the pain and heartbreak long before this photo was taken. The grief that we went through and continue to live in daily is sometimes not seen, it's felt every day though. But to someone who doesn't understand or know themselves, it can go unnoticed and it may just look like an effortless photo.
This is not our first baby and that will always be known to us. As we rejoice in baby #2 we always will be reminded of Roman not being here.
Our excitement and joy is someone else's reminder of heartbreak and grief also. As I write this I know someone is hurting and longing for what this moment will feel like. Those who are in grief and who are in pain, I see you. I see you mama. I see your hearts desire.
Our journey has been an open book, for the most part, those who know us know of our first baby Roman There are days I didn't talk about that were painful and ugly to post. You are not alone on these days, I promise you this.
As I am living out this dream I feel almost numb to what is happening at times. "Is this really even happening?" I thought as we smiled for a photo. "I don't believe it could be true" were the words actually spoken as I lay on the bed at the ultrasound appointment when the technician said...
"Want to hear Baby's heartbeat?"
Let me tell you that this has been a journey that is still happening. I have had days of rejoicing and days of fear for not what "maybe could happen" but for what has already happened once to us. In these moments I pray over our baby and repeat the words from our heavenly Father...
“Behold, I am making all things new.”
Revelation 21:5
Since the day I heard Baby's heartbeat I have felt Satan trying so hard steal all my joy. Putting flashbacks in my head fears in my heart and robbing me of the joy I felt hearing our Baby’s heartbeat. Today I am saying "No more Satan, you are not welcome here! "
We are so blessed to announce the joy of what God has formed and set apart in me.
Our Baby is HERE!
Yes, HERE. Not coming, or going to be here. Already here.
Weird to hear that said? Time to get used to hearing it.
Baby has arrived and is living inside of me until our baby is ready to come earthside.
We are blessed. Look what our God can do.
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