Oliver's Birth Story | Part 2

Part 2 

I lost my whereabouts, all sense of time and who was around me as the morning approached, leaving behind a sleepless night. I was only focused on getting through one contraction at a time. I took each one like a wave. I found a rhythm in the early morning that helped me stay focused.

It went something like this: as the contraction (wave) came to me I would take a deep breath into the hand towel that had drops of Young Living's Peppermint oil on it, I had thrown up earlier in the morning so my doula Natalie prepared the hand towel for me to sniff, it became part of the routine after that, the peppermint helped with nausea and also helped me stay energized after a long night awake. So as I breathed the Peppermint in I would say to myself "This won't last forever" - I wanted to remind myself each time that this would be over and I was closer to our baby.

Roman

I fought going out for a long time after losing our baby. Waiting to deliver my baby, I went through ugly postpartum hormones without my baby to cuddle with to get through and then life after loss is extremely difficult. So I found a safe place within the walls of my home where I was safe from reality and from others who might say something that would make it worse.

But I decided to finally get out and we joined our friend at her church one Sunday in April.

The pastor started his sermon out with a story, about him and his wife's first baby...

He told of the birth of their first child and shared with us that he was born on August 28th. 

Cain and I look at each other both with an odd expression on our faces. That's our babies due date! August 28th. Weird that he would say that and it is the same as our baby. It wasn't even a big part of his story, it was just a passing comment saying the date. But it is a big date for us. 

I can't tell you everything he talked about.  I didn't take notes I barely could listen. I just sat there as he spoke but really the whole time God was doing work in me to prepare my heart for what came at the end of his message.

As we sat and he was ending his sermon on the big screen right in front of us was a verse that popped up on the screen.  

I gasped for air. I begin to sob uncontrollably. Before my eyes was my baby's due date, again.

Romans 8:28

The verse read: 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

I cried for my baby. I cried knowing that God has a purpose for our child and it was confirmed right there that our child had a name. We love our Lord, we love that he gave us a child to love. It's shown us this special kind of love for our unborn child and other unborn babies that we didn't have before.

The ones who are not earthside but still with us, he showed us what a love like that can look like. I know that God placed our child in my womb for a reason. He did NOT want our child to die. Sin entered the world and with it came sickness and death. Sometimes precious babies are the victims as my friend shared with me recently as I've been searching for answers. God can use anything for good. But his plan is NOT to kill babies. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." - Psalm 139:13

Roman August Grogg, we love you even though we never knew you.

THROUGH LIFE OR DEATH

Just two young kids, who fell in love.

YOU ARE A MOM

Although there was nothing I could have done, I regret so much. Why is that? I’m a mom who has a broken heart. I long for peace and for my mind to rest. My heart needs mending, it feels shattered in this moment. This is a very raw time in the deep trenches of grief.

GIVING YOU LIFE | BEGINNING JOURNEY IN LOSS

Life.

What a beautiful miracle life is.

#exploremystate | Downtown Indianapolis

Before the New Year was here we found ourselves in Puerto Rico on a wonderful and exciting vacation. We met up with a photographer there who took our pictures and we became friends very fast (we seem to have a lot in common!) they asked us to join them for dinner and so we did. As we were chatting about all things Puerto Rico, waterfalls, beaches and all the amazing things Puerto Rico has I kind of laughed out loud and said "We just don't have that in Indiana" our new friends sorta asked then "What is in Indiana?" Cain and I looked at each other and said "Cornfields" 

We followed with "there is more than cornfields, that's just all we really know about Indiana"

I was saddened right there at myself. I have lived in Indiana for 25 (almost 26!) years and all I had to say about my state was "cornfields" of course I know there is more to this state than the cornfields (and nothing is wrong with our cornfields by the way) but I couldn't say much more. 

Over the next couple of weeks as we prepared for the new year and like always I search for something for me to do as a goal. I decided on this .... I want to explore my state, Indiana. I want to never just say "cornfields" again. I want to say at least 5 places and things that make up our state! I am calling it #exploremystate and #projectlovemystate on Instagram. 

I want to know and love the state that I am in, no matter what state that might be! There is always things to explore and I want to be proud of where I come from and where I might go in the future! 

We decided that our first stop would be the heart of Indiana, Indianapolis, our State Capital! I have been in Indy many of times, actually Indy is where we got engaged! (you can check that out here!) It's the "Big, big city" for us and takes 2 hours to get there but we don't visit often enough. 

We now have close friends who live in Indy so it was fitting to go there and visit some new places and spend time with friends! 

We do not know everything and we did not go to all these places but this is what I have found out from friends and from what I knew already about Indy... 

Places to EAT :: 

SoBro Cafe, Rock Bottom, Cheesecake Factory, Giordano's, Trader's Point Creamy, Burger Up, Spaghetti Factory, Nada's, Yard House, St Elmo Steak House, Weber Grill Restaurant, Bakersfield .... to name a few. 

Places to GO :: 

The Children's Museum, White River State Park, Colts Game at Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis Speedway, Central Library, Central Canal, Monument Circle, Indianapolis Art Center (bridge we got engaged at), Pacers Bakers Life Fieldhouse ...to name a few. 

Places to SHOP :: Circle Centra, Mass Ave, Bread Ripple, Zionsville - Go visit Blooms + Linen and tell them Lanette sent you! I LOVE everything in there and have already purchased more online since visiting! 

If you guys have any places to add to these lists, comment below so everyone can see! :) 

I will be sharing throughout this year our adventures in Indiana so follow me on Instagram to come along with us! 

@hisphotogirl 

Distance Unveiled

Just when you think you've got this long distance thing down something comes along and knocks you back three steps and you feel like this just isn't going to work. I knew going into this distance period that we could get through it like we had before in the past but I was seeking for something more out of the distance period.

What I was looking for was growth from the distance. When you're married and your husband is away for a long period of time you can either just make it through the time or you can grow from it coming out stronger on the other side (that was my thought process at least!)

 I wanted and longed to come out of this period of time a better wife having more confidence in my marriage than ever before. Because if you want to test your marriage, spend some time on facetime with bad internet, be in a different time zone and both be doing work/school full time and do all of the above every day for months.  It will test your patience and communication skills.

Week #21 2015

5.29.15

Nova, being Nova :)

5.30.15

Where did the last year go!? We celebrated our 1 year together a day early because Cain was leaving for AT the morning of it. So that Saturday night we went out to eat and with us were my parents and Jagger :) I love this man so much! I have so much respect for him!

I love my mom!

5.31.15

6.1.15

Yay! Graci graduated Kindergarten! I'm so proud of this little girl. She is truly the BEST!

We spent the afternoon together at my parents home.

6.2.15

Taking pictures of our new flowers out front ... I look behind me to see what Nova is looking at ...

And look, those bunnies teasing her! 

6.3.15

WORKKKK.......

6.4.15

We needed this walk in the park

May | 2015

Sometime in April I decided to take on a project for May.  I first did this project last October. (2014)



That project is to take a short clip everyday for a whole month. I don't know why I choose the busiest months to do this but just like in October, I was able to keep to my plan and take a video each day! (Sometimes nights!)

I love to look back now and think just how wonderful this last month was. It was busy with work, yes. But also personal time too, which is so needed for me!


So sit back and take a look into what our May looked like  :) LINK - May Video


Oh and here is the link to October's video! - October 2014

One year ago today ....

One year ago today ...


It really did go fast, just one year has past and I can honestly say it feels like it was just last week we were saying goodbye at my parents house late Friday night (May 30th) saying "See you in the morning!" We knew the next time we saw each other we were going to be getting married, making a life long promise to love and protect each other. I was ready, he was ready ... I think everyone was so ready for this day to come!

Saturday morning didn't disappoint. I could not have asked for better weather that morning as my cousin, Betsy and I took a short walk down my parents country road. It was something Betsy and I would do many, many times together just a few years back. We loved walking, it was our time to talk, think and laugh about everything. That morning was a little different we were giggling but still a little quite. I wasn't nervous ... but very overwhelmed with joy that I was trying to stay calm and relax.

As we walked back the sun was just starting to shine a little brighter. My dad and uncle were already up and doing last minute things in the place Cain and I would be making our promises. My heart was so full I can remember it.... being so at peace with everything, knowing that this was the best decision I had made yet in my life. Marrying Cain Grogg was and still is ... the best thing I ever did.

When people started showing up at my parents home that morning, things got very exciting really fast. Having a morning wedding was so much fun. You don't have to sit around all morning/afternoon and just wait. Wait for hair, wait for make-up, wait for pictures, wait to see your groom.... wait to spend your wedding day with your husband!

 With a morning wedding I woke up knowing it was about to happen and that was amazing to me (To me! I know that's not for everyone!)

The sweet support I had that morning came from my family. Those were the ones that were there and are still here with me today. I had my parents, my siblings, my cousin and Graci.

If I were to live that morning over, I wouldn't change a thing.


Cain had some great support too. And I know how excited he was to be able to see me and marry me right away that morning of our wedding. Cain went above and beyond when it came to our vows. We decided to write our own, which we did but Cain memorized his promises! When I found this out I was very honest and told him I didn't think I could do that, I already knew I would probably be crying... and to try and remember everything I wanted to say would be to hard. He didn't care if I read off a paper ... but he was confident he would remember and say everything he wanted to say .... (And he did)

Then the time came ... for it to all come together. Everything we had put so much thought into was about to happen. We wanted the whole morning to be focused on our promises, our vows to each other. We wanted the morning to be about love, God, our families and the commitment we were ready to make. We didn't want anything else to matter. 

The Bell. The ringing of my mom's old school house hand held bell was when my heart stopped and I knew Cain was walking over to stand and wait for me to walk from my parents front porch to the wooded area at the side of their property. It rang a couple more times. It was just Graci, Nova and I waiting for the right timing to head that way. 

I wanted to cry right there and then... Graci was being so brave and mature. She tugged on Nova to stay straight and she walked down....  

Then I saw Cain and everything did fall right into place. With my siblings playing their instruments, my dad walking me down, holding flowers our grandma picked from her back yard that morning.... I soaked it all up and then locked eyes on Cain...  I didn't see anyone but Cain the whole way down that rose petaled aisle... 

Our special guests we had can explain the rest of the vows and my Dad's forward to us. I can remember what was said because we have it on video, but if not I'm not quite sure if I could remember. Honestly, I'm not sure if a baby cried, someone coughed or said anything ... because it was just me and Cain there at that moment.

It was just God and us making the vows to never leave, forsake, no matter what. To love and be a support till death. We promised what was important to us to keep, and we know our marriage was blessed by God, our family and those close friends.

At that point there was nothing else to do,  we had done what we came there to do! But we did want to thank our guest for coming to support us and of course I wanted to have a first dance. We did that for the fun, for the laugh and joy of now being married.

But we knew it wasn't about that fun garter toss or the cutting of the "Cake" or in our case the "dipping of Oreos in Milk" It was about our vows and having a relationship that was built on God's commandments and love to us.

One year later, today ... We can say that not everything is the same ...  One thing that is not the same is our love.... that love was amazing and so strong a year ago... but today, it's only stronger.

 It's more powerful and fierce then it's ever been. And one more thing that's not the same is how much we know about each other.  I have learned more things about Cain now then before and same for him.

We know just a little bit more about what TRUE love really means. I think we will never stop learning about each other and I can only hope to fall more in love with my husband every year.

Today I kissed Cain goodbye for just a short time. He is leaving for AT (Annual Training for the Army) so we won't be able to actually spend our one year together in person, but that doesn't stop us from spending the day together in heart. It was in my promises to him last year that no matter where he went or how long he would be gone I would always be here waiting for him to come home, with a huge hug.

Happy 1 year down, a life time to go ...

The Grogg Wedding - Blog Post