There's a quote that goes like this "The energy that gets the baby in is the energy that gets the baby out." -Ina May Gaskin
As straight forward as that is I know that in labor I was very intoxicated by Cain's presence. I didn't see this coming and was surprised at how much I needed him and the energy of us together.
From the very moment I started to labor I wanted him at all times. Which looking back I realize he needed to eat, use the restroom and rest too so knowing that he was sacrificing his own comforts for me brings me closer to him.
I left off in Part 2 that I was waiting for the new pool to arrive so I could get back into the water. I bring up the pool and my love for Cain here because this memory I have where I am so incredibly intoxicated was when he was in the pool with me. I actually have a lot of amazing memories while I was in the pool, which looking back makes me sad that I couldn't have been in there longer and even more... give birth to Ollie. But that's jumping ahead too far.
11:30am I was in the new pool, the water felt much better and there was a sweet vibe that filled the air. Worship music was playing and at this time I felt more aware of my surroundings. I can picture Rhoda coming to sit next to the pool and I cried, I was so happy to be in the pool and so thankful for her. What other care provider comes and sits with you in labor? Who takes hours of their days with a listening ear and empowering words of wisdom for you in the 40 weeks of pregnancy? It all came to me at this moment.
Next walked in my brother - I completely let go of my emotions and cried at his presence. You see, he wasn't so sure of being a guest at my birth. Naturally, he questioned what would happen at birth and maybe that wasn't the place for a brother.
I almost begged him to come and see. And promised him it wouldn't be weird and that I really wanted him there. To see him walk into the room holding a huge pot of boiling water ready to fill my birth tub left me speechless. His willingness to step outside of his comfort zone to serve me in such a time gave me pure joy.
I know the room was filled with love at this time.
I went into the waves (contractions) being held by Cain. The air smelled of oils, the water was warm and the music filled the room. I could hear:
"and let the King of my heart
Be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh oh, He is my song....
Cause You are good
You are good, oh oh"
You are good, oh oh"
I will never forget the moment I heard Roman's chimes play just at the most perfect timing. My videographer had just slightly knocked them and although it was a faint sound over the music I said "I hear Roman, I hear my baby"
12:15pm my midwife adds into my records: Pt continues to squat in the birth tub, supported by husband. Including birth team and laboring couple, there are 15 people in the room supporting pt.
12:23pm I got out of my birth tub and went back to the toilet seat to keep laboring. When I got out of the pool I did not know that was the last time I would be in there. At the time though I had no reason to think otherwise. My birth was moving along beautifully. I had energy, I was dilating, I was working through each contraction with strength and empowerment. I had no doubts I could and was doing this.
at 2:00pm I did abdominal lifts. The most simple task yet extremely difficult to do. The birth assistant Kirsten was walking me through each lift and I loved focusing on her face. I could see that she was "with me" in each lift and had eyes of empathy but eyes of "I believe in you" - her presence was everything to me there and will always have a place in the birth story.
at 2:25 I was catheterized to relieve my bladder and found out I was 9 cm dilated, it was almost time to start pushing...
Clary sage was added to my ankles while I was back on the toilet seat for contractions.
3:30pm I was checked again and now it was time to start pushing. I was ready, I took it slow and tried so hard to listen to my body and respond to it.
They got out my breast pump to try and stimulate my nipples to bring contractions closer together. I'll never forget this part because it was set at 12/12 pressure. For the first time ever having a pump to the nipple, I let out a scream of pure shock at that feeling! (They turned it down!)
4:05pm I started to do squats
4:17pm I moved back into bed in the "McRoberts" position
It was noted that "as baby moves head the cervix attempts to drop down in front of the fetal head"
4:25pm we decided to have me rest in bed laying on my left side (then switching to my right side) Cain stayed with me spooning me and supporting me through each contractions laying there. I love this part of being at home, in our bed. We had room to be together and continue that oxytocin flow.
5:00pm we started up again with sifting. A rebozo can help relax tight uterine ligaments and abdominal muscles and help baby rotate in labor more easily. It was becoming aware to me at this point in time something wasn't "normal" per say. But I just kept doing, whatever that may be to get Ollie earthside. I knew each move would help, so I kept on.
5:27pm "right side lying release" - "left side lying release"
5:25pm I was asked to do some lunges across the bedroom. So, I did. I went from one end of the bed to the other and back again and again ... and again. I share this part because Cain wanted me to. I didn't realize that Rhoda had just asked me to do "1 set" of lunges, there and back. But I didn't realize this and I just kept going back and forth with Cain next to me supporting me through the challenging task of lunges after hours of laboring and completely dilated. How I was able to do this, I am not sure looking back ... but I did, over and over again.
5:45pm I was back to pushing in bed and at this point, I was ready for the pool again. I wasn't sure if I was doing this part all wrong though. I kept hearing "You're doing awesome, we see baby's head!" yet... I kept pushing and nothing changed. I would continue to hear "push, hold your breath, that's right, do that again!"
6:00pm "Hands and knees pushing"
I know physically I was getting exhausted but emotionally I didn't want to be exhausted from the lack of progress with pushing... I forgot this was all part of the process and had to believe my body was doing what it needed to do. Back and forth from my right side to my left I continued on.
But why was he not coming out? I didn't think to ask this and at the time everyone wanted to not discourage me in this process, they too believed that he would come, we just had to change positions and get his head off my pelvis and pubic arch. I didn't know this then, but I wanted to tell you now in the story so you understand.
6:30pm "Walcher’s position for 3 cts" was noted.
7:00pm "Left side laying"
7:17pm "open-knee-chest" started
7:30pm I got to feel his head, which made me believe we were so close. I was doing this!
7:57pm moved back to the toilet seat
after this time in my head, it's a blur. I kept on. I pushed and I waited and pushed again. I moved and I moved again. I did position after position change and at the time there was a glimmer of hope, Rhoda would feel his head and his path to come, but then just as quickly as it came it would go.
They asked everyone to leave the room so we could do more positions and that I had no distractions. After another hour though they explained what they were feeling.
He was stuck at my pubic bone and transverse. Rhoda looked at me with the surest wisdom and loving eyes "It's time to start thinking of transport"
I laid my head down and closed my eyes. I didn't know what to say, what to feel or do. I trust Rhoda and knew, there was nothing more I could do, I had done it all.
To had done it all in natural unmedicated labor and come to the realization there was no more to be done that is out of your control, felt sad and wonderful all in one.
I was sad to move, I wanted baby born at home in our safe place, the plan I had made, the vision I had cast was disappearing. But, how wonderful that I did, what I did. I labored and labored more. I pushed, I pushed hard and effectively. I didn't give up. I didn't ask for relief but the warmth of the water. I believed in myself so much I continued through every position asked of me. Through the pain, I would wipe my tears because I had this support team saying "you are" you are doing and we believe in you.
The birth story isn't over yet, but now looking back, leaving my house at 9:00pm I had nothing to be ashamed of, no regrets only pure amazement of what I accomplished at home and thinking of who was about to be born just 1 hour and 44 minutes later...
Part 4 (Oliver's birth) next
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