I lost my whereabouts, all sense of time and who was around me as the morning approached, leaving behind a sleepless night. I was only focused on getting through one contraction at a time. I took each one like a wave. I found a rhythm in the early morning that helped me stay focused.
It went something like this: as the contraction (wave) came to me I would take a deep breath into the hand towel that had drops of Young Living's Peppermint oil on it, I had thrown up earlier in the morning so my doula Natalie prepared the hand towel for me to sniff, it became part of the routine after that, the peppermint helped with nausea and also helped me stay energized after a long night awake. So as I breathed the Peppermint in I would say to myself "This won't last forever" - I wanted to remind myself each time that this would be over and I was closer to our baby.
While in the wave I would moan as low and deep sounding as I could, that might seem like an easy task but what I wanted to do was scream! Natalie would be beside me reminding me to keep a low pitch "Lower Lanette, Lower... good" That is what I would hear every once in a while if I would get lost in the wave and forget. As she would say "lower" I changed my pitch and I felt so much more in control of my body when I did (part of labor I think that's scary is losing control, feeling like something so painful and new is happening and you can't do anything about it but ask for help with the pain) I could stay focused and not lose myself in that fear and lack of control when I would keep with this rhythm: deep breath, low sound, move my hips...
I kept moving around and each place I went, I felt safe. I moved from our bedroom, baby's room, bathroom, tub and back into the bedroom, not all at once but throughout the 24 hours. I noticed when I walked past the hallway into the living room where a host of people were (friends and more family) I felt less in my safe place and more exposed. I didn't like the way I felt so I made my way back into the bedroom. There is where I felt most focused.
I wanted to stay moving as much as I could or needed to. So a long portion of my labor (that I can remember) was on my knees in bed, resting my chest and head on the birth ball. This gave me space to swing my hips back and forth while in the "wave" (contraction)
When the wave would end I would just want to see Cain. I would want to kiss him, see his smile and feel his strong hands on me. I know he was supporting me with massage on my back through the waves but to be honest I don't remember if I felt like it helped or not (with the pain) but it probably was a huge part of making me feel safe.
So that was each wave. Deep breath into peppermint, low sound, moving, Cain, eat or drink, repeat.
I was so excited to get into the tub. I had been dreaming of it long before labor started. Actually for almost 2 months as it had been in the baby's room (birth room) waiting for this day. When they said it was time to get in I felt so much relief and encouraged that I would soon be feeling the warmth of the water.
Butttt... It felt cold! I remember getting in and not wanting to sound too needy but I wanted it warmer! I then remembered that the water had to be a certain temp (I was hoping this wasn't it!) They said more warm water was coming in. I was on to the next contraction so it didn't leave me to long to think on that.
This tub session didn't last long. The pool was not holding in the air (there was a leak somewhere) it was not the water that was leaking but air from the sides. I remember Rhoda my midwife saying it needed to be more firm and that I would need to get out and come back once it was, this was also a "good time" for me to go back to sitting on the toilet.
Ohhhh, the toilet seat.
I will never forget the hours spent sitting there. Sitting facing the back of the toilet helps relax your pelvic muscles. I've seen this done in both home births I attended. Had I not seen how effective this position is before my own labor, I would have rejected this idea of sitting there completely! (it's not so glorious of a feeling, sitting like this in labor) but like I've said many times: seeing births before my own helped me see and understand what is done and why BEFORE it's done on myself. It really does help.... but it really is awful! But yet I kept caring on, even through the pain.
A friend reminded me of this conversation:
Rhoda: "I'd like to see you get back on the toilet seat for a while..."
Lanette: "That sucks..... (paused a moment) "but okay let's do it."
I truly was up for everything they asked.
I was back in bed when I got the sad news that the pool was not holding in the air. I was very upset at the sound of this because my plan/goal was to give birth IN the pool. Rhoda explained that they could go and get another pool at their office in Fort Wayne and bring it here IF we had enough time. She offered to check me at this time to see if there was enough time for them to go and get the pool. I agreed to be checked.
If I was too far along then I would have to give birth without the pool. At this point in time, I did not want to know what I was dilated. I felt it might disappoint me and wanted to just stay focused on what I was doing and not be distracted by where I was at dilated.
Rhoda checked me at 8:51am after she was done I didn't ask and she didn't tell how far along I had progressed. I continued on laboring. I'm really not sure how much time had passed (maybe an hour) when I asked out loud this question, it's a funny story so I wanted to share.
You see, I didn't really want to know what I was dilated, but I did want to know if they were able to get the new pool or not.
Lanette - "Did they go get the pool?" I said out loud
I can't remember who replied back but they said "Yes, it's on the way"
In my mind, I thought, "I must only be around 5cm then" then I said out loud "So I'm probably only at 5cm." This was more of a statement not a question but my friend then replies back excitedly:
Friend -"No, you're at a 7!!!"
Although I didn't want to really know the answer to that statement, I was slightly happy at how far I had come! I think this brought me an extra boost of encouragement. I knew that at this point if I could just get into the tub again I could finish this out strong, I was excited but didn't want to lose focus so I kept on with my pace I had set. But now I had my mind fixated on that new pool, I longed for the warm water and the hopes of seeing baby earth-side very soon.
Little did we know I had another 13 hours to go...
Part 3 coming soon ...
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