The Rules of Communication

I always knew how lucky I was to have my father also be my pastor. But it's even more of a blessing to have him be the one to marry me and Cain. It's been very rewarding to have him around both of us for the past year, we get premarital counsel at random times and tips on making the right choices as a couple. We are both open to learn how to be better for each other and my dad is the only one I trust with marriage counsel. I have seen first hand the amazing relationship my parents have kept through out their marriage. Cain and I wish the same on our marriage so love when we get one on one time with him.

So the other night my dad sat down with us at the island in our kitchen and went over the Four Rules of Communication. We went through it pretty fast but there were so many things that we were able to easily understand. It's so simple, anyone in any kind of relationship should be able to grasp this.

Here are the four rules taken from Ephesians 4:25-32

1. Be Honest

What this means is, don't say you're fine when you aren't. It's so easy to say, "No I'm fine" and walk away wanting the other person to know that you are not "fine" but this is not a mind reading relationship. Because to be frank, guys aren't good at reading our minds! So, be honest. Say, "That hurt my feelings" Open up so that things can be fixed right away.

2. Stay Current

How often do we want to bring up the past? When really it only adds to the problem you have at hand already. Also this means don't let todays argument be tomorrow's problem. We've all heard it before, "Don't let the sun go down upon your wrath" (verse 27) Deal with the problem at hand, don't bring up the past. Be able to forgive and stay current with your feelings. Matthew 6:34 says "Tomorrow will have problems of its own" So stay on topic, don't bring up the past and remember to speak your words in love.

3. Attack the Problem not the Person

If you asked your loved one if they could pay the phone bill last week and you find out today that they forgot. Instead of attacking them as a person and calling them names that will bring them down to show that they messed up, such as...  "Wow, that was real smart of you to forget to pay the phone bill, don't be stupid!" (Words hurt, choice them wisely) Focus on the actual problem, the phone bill needs paid. So many times we start attacking the person so fast that before you know it 10 minutes have gone by and you have to go back to the beginning of the argument to remember what made you upset in the first place!

Note: this can also apply to your self! Let's say its YOU that forgot to pay the bill and you bring self-guilt and blame to yourself. That's not right either. Be able to forgive yourself when you might make a mistake.

We need to forgive. Simple as that you have to give up your right or claim to revenge, hold a grudge or get even. Give it up. And do it in love.

4. Act don't react

Everyone has a different way they react. Some will have a outbursts of anger, use words to hurt the other person, you might also not let them know they hurt you and give them the silent treatment, you might seek revenge by doing the "slow burn" or have a desire to harm the person... make them suffer!

None of those are very pleasing to Lord. But we all have done one of those, if not all. No matter how irresponsible the other person is, you must act biblically. You can't control the other person, but you can control how you resound to them.

This can apply to all kinds of relationships not just between a husband and wife.

I wanted to remember these 4 rules that way if Cain and I had a problem to fix that we could easily go to this and make sure we treat the problem and person correctly and in love.

So I made this! I'm going to be hanging it up in the apartment here soon! Feel free to also use it in your own homes. Even if you already apply these things it could be an eye opener to someone else!

Lanette