If I would have written this blog post on Thursday I would have been a hot mess and honestly would not have made any sense when writing ....not that I make complete sense on any other day...
Cain has been away for 2 weeks and this is nothing new and although I like to act like it's "no biggie" and say "I'm used to it" .... I'm not and I never will be, I don't want to get used to it.
It still hurts when he is gone and I go bananas trying to keep myself busy. I say YES to everything because I do not want to end up sitting alone somewhere bored out of my mind and just pouting over the fact that my husband is gone for the 100th time in a 1 year span and there is no end in sight!
So I work, I work a lot and I love that. But there is always a breaking point and mine came last week.
It's not all a sad story that I am talking about today though. For the first time in my life (dramatic I know) I have a "game plan" like an actual game plan for my life and career.
Oh, you had your game plan before you were about to turn 26? Lucky...
I didn't. At 25 I had zero clues what the next 5 years were going to bring (but that's a whole other dramatic blog post)
With this new found and exciting game plan I finally had a focus. But sometimes when you focus on one thing, something else might give. Then you have the balancing act of life and I don't even have kids yet so I'm in for a rude awaking when it comes to balancing life's priorities.
On Monday night Cain and I were spending our 2.5-second facetime date together (okay, it's a little longer than that but it's very short) and I could tell he was getting a little lonely and we were missing each other a little sooner than we had hoped for. So that laid on my heart as I went to sleep....
I didn't sleep for long. I was woken up at 1:51am by my friend Natalie and what I heard was "It's baby time"
I jumped up and was out the door in no time. I was able to be a part of another (7th one actually) birth and was able to film the birth (pretty cool gig, right?!)
I came home later that afternoon on Tuesday morning and napped but when I woke up I had this huge anxiety feeling, it was really odd and I knew what it was. I needed to go see Cain.
Thankfully my schedule allowed me to make some changes and I was able to call Cain and say "I am coming to see you!" his face lit up and I felt so much better.
But then on Wednesday morning, I woke up again with a racing heart and anxiety about someone else. It was Graci this time. I tried to think back on the last time I had seen her. It hadn't been that long ago but something was calling me to see her. (I normally don't have such weird visions, I sound like a hippie reading into my dreams, I am aware I could be losing your interest!)
Yet again, everything moved and my schedule allowed me to move things around (sometimes rain isn't so bad!) So I planned to pick Graci up from school Thursday afternoon and spend the evening with her.
Until I woke up at 6 am Thursday morning from a horrible dream and I had enough. I was going to go right NOW to Graci's.
This story has an end, it's coming soon.
I picked Graci up from her home and she needed to run to Walmart and buy a yellow shirt for "Spring Day" at school. We made it to the school parking lot early and I decided to park in a new direction. East, instead of West like I normally do. We were listening to music, talking about silly things when Graci looks up and yells "RAINBOW!"
A complete rainbow had formed right under us.
We ran out with just 1 minute before the school bell rang. Laughing and smiling and yelling "You are under a rainbow!"
It wasn't until I was alone did I start crying.
I was overwhelmed and could remember my favorite quote from the book Wife after God when Jennifer said "He longs for you to join Him. He Pursues you as a gentleman pursues a woman. He impresses you with creation, magnificent sunsets, brilliant flowers, and powerful seas. He woos you with poetic language, sweet aromas, and courts you with His Holy Spirit. Be still, look around you, see how the Lord is pursuing you!"
See why I was crying?!
I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me trying to get me to listen. Right then I knew that I was where God wanted me to be. He had been laying these things on my heart and I could not avoid them!
Note: I do not think God causes the anxiety I was feeling but I do think the Lord was speaking to me.
God's promise to us in Genesis 9:13 "I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth"
I really, truly know God put me in that car with Graci to bring me joy in my heart (peace!), he put the rainbow in the cloud to remind me that he is pursuing me. He sees me and knows me and promises me that I am not alone.
I needed this. Can you tell? ha. Boy, did I need that.
Next stop, to see Cain. My heart is not heavy but full and I think I can sleep better now <3
Did you make it through all that? High five, and thank you.
No comments